When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Little Kid Pouting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Little Kid Pouting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Little Kid Pouting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Little Kid Pouting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Little Kid Pouting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Little Kid Pouting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Little Kid Pouting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her full potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Little Kid Pouting
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Little Kid Pouting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Little Kid Pouting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Little Kid Pouting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Little Kid Pouting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Little Kid Pouting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Little Kid Pouting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Little Kid Pouting
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