Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.