When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. A Positive Discipline System
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.A Positive Discipline System
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy A Positive Discipline System
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development A Positive Discipline System
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? A Positive Discipline System
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for A Positive Discipline System
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. A Positive Discipline System
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. A Positive Discipline System
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … A Positive Discipline System
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. A Positive Discipline System
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. A Positive Discipline System
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? A Positive Discipline System
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? A Positive Discipline System
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. A Positive Discipline System
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. A Positive Discipline System
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