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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. 1 Year Old Kid
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.1 Year Old Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 1 Year Old Kid
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development 1 Year Old Kid
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? 1 Year Old Kid
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for 1 Year Old Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. 1 Year Old Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 1 Year Old Kid
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … 1 Year Old Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. 1 Year Old Kid
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 1 Year Old Kid
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? 1 Year Old Kid
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? 1 Year Old Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 1 Year Old Kid
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. 1 Year Old Kid
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