When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 11 Year Old Temper Tantrums
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