When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.12 Month Old Nap Schedule
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling under it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. 12 Month Old Nap Schedule
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