13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields much better long-term results than forced control.

Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Below are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or dad you’ve always wished to be, and help your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

However we can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it

• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. 13 Year Old Girl Out Of Control


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