When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or father you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 16 Month Old Tantrums Head Banging
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