When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. 2 Years Old
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.2 Years Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 2 Years Old
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development 2 Years Old
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 2 Years Old
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want 2 Years Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 2 Years Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 2 Years Old
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … 2 Years Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. 2 Years Old
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 2 Years Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 2 Years Old
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? 2 Years Old
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 2 Years Old
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. 2 Years Old
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