20 Second Hug – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

20 Second Hug
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. 20 Second Hug

There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.20 Second Hug

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 20 Second Hug

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy child development 20 Second Hug

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During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 20 Second Hug

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they want 20 Second Hug

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 20 Second Hug

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a number of the methods Amy shares to help you to come to be the mommy or father you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

However we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 20 Second Hug

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it

• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.

• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … 20 Second Hug

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. 20 Second Hug

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 20 Second Hug

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 20 Second Hug

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 20 Second Hug

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 20 Second Hug

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. 20 Second Hug


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