Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 2E Schools
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.2E Schools
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 2E Schools
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development 2E Schools
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 2E Schools
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for 2E Schools
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 2E Schools
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 2E Schools
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … 2E Schools
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. 2E Schools
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 2E Schools
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? 2E Schools
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? 2E Schools
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 2E Schools
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. 2E Schools
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.