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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Month Old Behavior
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.3 Month Old Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 3 Month Old Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development 3 Month Old Behavior
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 3 Month Old Behavior
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want 3 Month Old Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. 3 Month Old Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 3 Month Old Behavior
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … 3 Month Old Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. 3 Month Old Behavior
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 3 Month Old Behavior
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? 3 Month Old Behavior
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 3 Month Old Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3 Month Old Behavior
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. 3 Month Old Behavior
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