Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. 3 Yr Old Behavior Chart
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.