When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. 3P Positive Parenting Program
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.3P Positive Parenting Program
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 3P Positive Parenting Program
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development 3P Positive Parenting Program
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 3P Positive Parenting Program
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want 3P Positive Parenting Program
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 3P Positive Parenting Program
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 3P Positive Parenting Program
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … 3P Positive Parenting Program
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. 3P Positive Parenting Program
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 3P Positive Parenting Program
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 3P Positive Parenting Program
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 3P Positive Parenting Program
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3P Positive Parenting Program
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 3P Positive Parenting Program
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