Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should agree to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. A Reason That Children With IDD Have Difficulty In Social Situations Is
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.