Acting Immature – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Acting Immature
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Acting Immature

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Acting Immature

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Acting Immature

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Acting Immature

Acting Immature

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Acting Immature

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want Acting Immature

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates better lasting results than forced control.

Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Acting Immature

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to help you to become the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Acting Immature

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it

• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Acting Immature

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Acting Immature

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Acting Immature

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Acting Immature

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

How can you come to be a positive parent? Acting Immature

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Acting Immature

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Acting Immature


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