Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Activities For Low Functioning Autistic Adults
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.