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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. ADHD And Aggressive Behavior In Children
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