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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. ADHD And School Performance
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.ADHD And School Performance
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach ADHD And School Performance
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development ADHD And School Performance
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? ADHD And School Performance
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want ADHD And School Performance
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. ADHD And School Performance
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. ADHD And School Performance
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … ADHD And School Performance
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. ADHD And School Performance
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. ADHD And School Performance
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? ADHD And School Performance
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? ADHD And School Performance
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD And School Performance
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. ADHD And School Performance
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