ADHD Avoidance – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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ADHD Avoidance
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. ADHD Avoidance

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.ADHD Avoidance

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer ADHD Avoidance

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development ADHD Avoidance

ADHD Avoidance

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? ADHD Avoidance

Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they want ADHD Avoidance

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. ADHD Avoidance

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or father you’ve always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. ADHD Avoidance

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it

• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … ADHD Avoidance

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. ADHD Avoidance

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. ADHD Avoidance

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? ADHD Avoidance

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? ADHD Avoidance

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD Avoidance

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. ADHD Avoidance


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