When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. ADHD Scholarly Articles
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.ADHD Scholarly Articles
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy ADHD Scholarly Articles
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development ADHD Scholarly Articles
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? ADHD Scholarly Articles
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want ADHD Scholarly Articles
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. ADHD Scholarly Articles
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. ADHD Scholarly Articles
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … ADHD Scholarly Articles
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. ADHD Scholarly Articles
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. ADHD Scholarly Articles
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? ADHD Scholarly Articles
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? ADHD Scholarly Articles
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD Scholarly Articles
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. ADHD Scholarly Articles
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