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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. ADHD School Supplies
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.ADHD School Supplies
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy ADHD School Supplies
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development ADHD School Supplies
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? ADHD School Supplies
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want ADHD School Supplies
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. ADHD School Supplies
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. ADHD School Supplies
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … ADHD School Supplies
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. ADHD School Supplies
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. ADHD School Supplies
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? ADHD School Supplies
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? ADHD School Supplies
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD School Supplies
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. ADHD School Supplies
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.