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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.ADHD Sintomas En Niños
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution ADHD Sintomas En Niños
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development ADHD Sintomas En Niños
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? ADHD Sintomas En Niños
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want ADHD Sintomas En Niños
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … ADHD Sintomas En Niños
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? ADHD Sintomas En Niños
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? ADHD Sintomas En Niños
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. ADHD Sintomas En Niños
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.