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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. ADHD Social Anxiety
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.ADHD Social Anxiety
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy ADHD Social Anxiety
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development ADHD Social Anxiety
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? ADHD Social Anxiety
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for ADHD Social Anxiety
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. ADHD Social Anxiety
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. ADHD Social Anxiety
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … ADHD Social Anxiety
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. ADHD Social Anxiety
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. ADHD Social Anxiety
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? ADHD Social Anxiety
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? ADHD Social Anxiety
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD Social Anxiety
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. ADHD Social Anxiety
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