When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. ADHD Stereotypes
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.ADHD Stereotypes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan ADHD Stereotypes
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development ADHD Stereotypes
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? ADHD Stereotypes
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for ADHD Stereotypes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. ADHD Stereotypes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. ADHD Stereotypes
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … ADHD Stereotypes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. ADHD Stereotypes
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. ADHD Stereotypes
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? ADHD Stereotypes
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? ADHD Stereotypes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD Stereotypes
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. ADHD Stereotypes
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