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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. ADHD Teachers
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.ADHD Teachers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer ADHD Teachers
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development ADHD Teachers
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? ADHD Teachers
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for ADHD Teachers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. ADHD Teachers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. ADHD Teachers
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … ADHD Teachers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. ADHD Teachers
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. ADHD Teachers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? ADHD Teachers
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? ADHD Teachers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD Teachers
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. ADHD Teachers
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