ADHD When To Medicate – How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

ADHD When To Medicate
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. ADHD When To Medicate

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.ADHD When To Medicate

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach ADHD When To Medicate

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development ADHD When To Medicate

ADHD When To Medicate

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? ADHD When To Medicate

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they ask for ADHD When To Medicate

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. ADHD When To Medicate

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. ADHD When To Medicate

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it

• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … ADHD When To Medicate

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. ADHD When To Medicate

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. ADHD When To Medicate

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? ADHD When To Medicate

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? ADHD When To Medicate

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. ADHD When To Medicate

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. ADHD When To Medicate


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!