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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. AJ Lee Bipolar
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.AJ Lee Bipolar
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution AJ Lee Bipolar
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development AJ Lee Bipolar
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? AJ Lee Bipolar
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for AJ Lee Bipolar
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. AJ Lee Bipolar
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. AJ Lee Bipolar
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … AJ Lee Bipolar
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. AJ Lee Bipolar
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. AJ Lee Bipolar
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? AJ Lee Bipolar
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? AJ Lee Bipolar
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. AJ Lee Bipolar
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. AJ Lee Bipolar
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