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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Anxiety Causing Anger
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Anxiety Causing Anger
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Anxiety Causing Anger
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Anxiety Causing Anger
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Anxiety Causing Anger
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Anxiety Causing Anger
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Anxiety Causing Anger
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Anxiety Causing Anger
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Anxiety Causing Anger
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Anxiety Causing Anger
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Anxiety Causing Anger
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Anxiety Causing Anger
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Anxiety Causing Anger
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Anxiety Causing Anger
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Anxiety Causing Anger
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.