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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. APD Symptoms
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.APD Symptoms
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution APD Symptoms
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development APD Symptoms
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? APD Symptoms
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want APD Symptoms
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. APD Symptoms
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. APD Symptoms
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … APD Symptoms
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. APD Symptoms
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. APD Symptoms
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? APD Symptoms
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? APD Symptoms
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. APD Symptoms
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. APD Symptoms
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