When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Attachment Parenting When Children Are Ready To Leave For Sschool
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.