When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to become the mom or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Auditory Processing Disorder Occupational Therapy
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