When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Auditory Processing Interventions
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Auditory Processing Interventions
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Auditory Processing Interventions
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Auditory Processing Interventions
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Auditory Processing Interventions
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Auditory Processing Interventions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Auditory Processing Interventions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Auditory Processing Interventions
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Auditory Processing Interventions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Auditory Processing Interventions
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Auditory Processing Interventions
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Auditory Processing Interventions
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Auditory Processing Interventions
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Auditory Processing Interventions
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Auditory Processing Interventions
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