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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Autism Center For Children
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Autism Center For Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Autism Center For Children
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Autism Center For Children
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Autism Center For Children
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Autism Center For Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Autism Center For Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Autism Center For Children
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Autism Center For Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Autism Center For Children
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Autism Center For Children
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Autism Center For Children
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Autism Center For Children
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Autism Center For Children
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Autism Center For Children
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