When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Autism Is Bad
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Autism Is Bad
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Autism Is Bad
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Autism Is Bad
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Autism Is Bad
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Autism Is Bad
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Autism Is Bad
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Autism Is Bad
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Autism Is Bad
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Autism Is Bad
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Autism Is Bad
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Autism Is Bad
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Autism Is Bad
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Autism Is Bad
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Autism Is Bad
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.