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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Autistic Child Behavior Problems
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Autistic Child Behavior Problems
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Autistic Child Behavior Problems
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Autistic Child Behavior Problems
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Autistic Child Behavior Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Autistic Child Behavior Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Autistic Child Behavior Problems
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Autistic Child Behavior Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Autistic Child Behavior Problems
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