When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
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