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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Baby Occupational Therapy
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Baby Occupational Therapy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Baby Occupational Therapy
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Baby Occupational Therapy
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Baby Occupational Therapy
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Baby Occupational Therapy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Baby Occupational Therapy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Baby Occupational Therapy
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Baby Occupational Therapy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Baby Occupational Therapy
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Baby Occupational Therapy
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Baby Occupational Therapy
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Baby Occupational Therapy
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Baby Occupational Therapy
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Baby Occupational Therapy
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