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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Bedwetting Consequences
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Bedwetting Consequences
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Bedwetting Consequences
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Bedwetting Consequences
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Bedwetting Consequences
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Bedwetting Consequences
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Bedwetting Consequences
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Bedwetting Consequences
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Bedwetting Consequences
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Bedwetting Consequences
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Bedwetting Consequences
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Bedwetting Consequences
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Bedwetting Consequences
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Bedwetting Consequences
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Bedwetting Consequences
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.