Bee Phobia – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Bee Phobia
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Bee Phobia

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Bee Phobia

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Bee Phobia

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Bee Phobia

Bee Phobia

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Bee Phobia

Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Providing your children whatever they ask for Bee Phobia

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Bee Phobia

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Bee Phobia

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it

• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Bee Phobia

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Bee Phobia

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Bee Phobia

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Bee Phobia

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Bee Phobia

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Bee Phobia

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Bee Phobia


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