When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Behavior Color Chart System
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Behavior Color Chart System
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Behavior Color Chart System
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Behavior Color Chart System
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Behavior Color Chart System
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Behavior Color Chart System
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Behavior Color Chart System
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Behavior Color Chart System
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Behavior Color Chart System
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Behavior Color Chart System
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Behavior Color Chart System
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Behavior Color Chart System
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Behavior Color Chart System
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Behavior Color Chart System
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Behavior Color Chart System
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