When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Behavior Of A 3 Year Old
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