When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Behavior Problems Affective Teacher
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