When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Boundaries For Children
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Boundaries For Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Boundaries For Children
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Boundaries For Children
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Boundaries For Children
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Boundaries For Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Boundaries For Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Boundaries For Children
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Boundaries For Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Boundaries For Children
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Boundaries For Children
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Boundaries For Children
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Boundaries For Children
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Boundaries For Children
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Boundaries For Children
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