When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Boy Run Away
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Boy Run Away
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Boy Run Away
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Boy Run Away
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Boy Run Away
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Boy Run Away
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Boy Run Away
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, and help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Boy Run Away
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Boy Run Away
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Boy Run Away
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Boy Run Away
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Boy Run Away
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Boy Run Away
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Boy Run Away
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Boy Run Away
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