When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Brain Training For Children
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Brain Training For Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Brain Training For Children
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Brain Training For Children
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Brain Training For Children
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Brain Training For Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Brain Training For Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Brain Training For Children
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Brain Training For Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Brain Training For Children
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Brain Training For Children
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Brain Training For Children
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Brain Training For Children
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Brain Training For Children
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Brain Training For Children
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