When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Bullying Story With A Happy Ending
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