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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Can A 1 Year Old Have Night Terrors
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