When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Can A Child With Autism Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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