When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Can Attachment Parenting Be Bad
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.