When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Can Caffeine Help ADHD
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Can Caffeine Help ADHD
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Can Caffeine Help ADHD
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Can Caffeine Help ADHD
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Can Caffeine Help ADHD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Can Caffeine Help ADHD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Can Caffeine Help ADHD
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Can Caffeine Help ADHD
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Can Caffeine Help ADHD
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