When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Challenging Behavior In The Classroom
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